The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
