no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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