mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
