Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
