Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
