he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
