ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
