What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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