this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
