I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
