thus making me awesome and them whores
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
