We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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