OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
