This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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