dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
