Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
