tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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