My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
