I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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