the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
