Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
