I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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