there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
