WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
