Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
