Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
