So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
