I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
