I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They have beer where we have blood.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
