Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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