I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
