Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
