You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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