end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
