if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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