One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
