I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
