There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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