She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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