i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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