remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
