I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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