You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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