I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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