Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
