My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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