I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
