Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
