Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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