Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
