Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am naked and annoyed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
