Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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